Who is another year older? Staci is!

It is officially my 34th birthday. Wow. If you ask me tomorrow though, I'll have to calculate in my head how old I am. Anybody else do that? I completely forget my age, but that probably has more to do with the fact that in my head I am 23. I don't need time to calculate that number though!

I honestly didn't feel any older until I used a very powerful hand dryer in a restroom today and saw my loose hand skin rippling in the wind. I'm not sure how that ended up being such a poignant moment, but it's just a glimpse into the craziness that is my head. Be thankful you're on the outside!

{I have a few photos to show you, but I am working off less than 4 hours sleep last night & I cannot figure it out tonight - I need some beauty sleep} 

decisions - the good, the bad & the ugly

If you are anything like me, making decisions isn't your strong suit. Especially if it's one of those big ol' life-changing ones like marriage, children, where to live, your job. So often I struggle with doubt, even when God has shown me His way and I have followed it.

What I am getting to is my decision to leave my employer. It's been prayed about and discussed between Damon and me for at least 18 months now- you know back when we thought the adoption would happen "any day now," but I digress...

The situation has progressively gotten worse until it was at the point that I would get sick every morning before work from dread. You don't have to be a psychologist to know the toll that will take on a person, and subsequently a family. I had turned into a person that even I didn't like to be around. And you know it's bad when you cannot stand to be around yourself! I was constantly mad. I did a lot of yelling. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about work and the way people were acting there. All around unpleasant person. 

In early June the decision was made for me to quit but no one knew. Due to my contract, I had to give a two month's notice, so in early August I put in my notice. You may be wondering why it's September and I'm done working, but I'm getting there. My Grandma passed away, so I was off work for almost a week. It was in that time that I realized what a different person I was when not worrying about work. Damon and I talked and decided that I needed to just use my accumulated vacation time to finish out my two months, and I did just that.

So Friday, September 14th was my last day in the office, but I did have to go in today to help with payroll, then again next week for a meeting. I was only in the office for about 4.5 hours today, and I left the person I used to be. I realized as I was driving home that I was gripping the steering wheel so tight I was leaving nail marks in my palm, my teeth were clenched together, and I was replaying the day in my head with my blood pressure continually escalating.

I catch myself and started to pray about the anger and resentment inside of me, and I realized that me being able to leave that job is such a blessing in my life. I have time to focus on me, my family and my home. This last week I've been a lot closer to the person I want to be and that is always a good thing.

Now if the stinkin' adoption would move along, I'd really be great ;)

Adoption news

I know I promised to update you on the adoption news like two weeks ago, but it's been crazy around this place! I am now staying at home and LOVING it (a girl could used to this). I honestly don't know how I ever had time to work. My closets are clean, I'm selling stuff on eBay that has been sitting around our house for years, I'm cooking dinner, I'm ironing Damon's work shirts, and I'm getting a room ready for that little girl. 

So getting around to the real reason you are reading this post...our agency called a couple weeks ago to tell us that we needed to update our dossier. We updated a few documents in April, but we needed to update all the rest. While we were at it, we updated our home study to reflect the fact that I am no longer working outside the home. Of course updating everything was crazy-difficult due to the  Secretary of State's office making me go back to several counties in southern Ohio to have the elected official sign our certified copies. Don't get me started...

Anyway, we were told that once we update our dossier, we are eligible to receive a referral. Now if this actually happens, then this is BIG news!! Obviously this isn't our first rodeo though, so we are overly cautious. When I first got off the phone, I was dancing around super excited, but then reality set in. We get excited to be disappointed, wait a few months then get excited to be disappointed yet again, wait a few more months and repeat the whole process. 

Obviously we are so ready to get our daughter home, so we will stay on this roller coaster and continue praying that her referral comes soon. I'm getting tired of waiting!! 

becoming a stay-at-home mom

I'm not going to to lie to you, I never thought I would have a blog post about staying at home. I have much respect for women who can stay home full-time with their children (even more for homeschoolers), but it hasn't been for me...until now.

I have put in my resignation from my job and starting in just a few weeks, I'll be here to put Wesley on the bus and be here when he comes home. The change has been a long time coming, and I think it is going to be beneficial for our family. The stress and strain from my work had really begun to affect our home life, and that isn't what Damon or I want for ourselves or our family.

The pay I made was decent, but we made the choice that even though we do not have all the money saved for our adoption, we know God will provide for us. Even though it goes against our Dave Ramsey philosophy, we are willing to take out debt to get our daughter home. I figure if there is any "good debt," it has to be adoption debt. At least that's what I would tell Dave if we ever talked about it.

I will begin a new position in early January, but for now I am going to enjoy the holidays and my family!

Check back this week because I am going to let you know our recent adoption-related news, and it seems to be good :)

Ladies and gentleman, we have a kindergartener

Wesley has officially started kindergarten - and he loves it! I have never known a child so excited to meet new people and experience new things. I wish I was more like that.

The pictures where Wes is wearing a teal shirt are the first "official" day of school. Our district phases in the kindergarten kids over three days.

The navy shirt photos are the first day with all the kids and his first bus ride, which is really the most exciting part when you're five. All his grandparents were at the house to see him off - such a blessing to have family that lives close!

Do not be alarmed by the large number of pictures I'm uploading. I never get this many good pictures, so I'm going to to post them all because it's my blog & I can do that :)  

the three of us

the "serious" face

the "excited" face

the "I am pretending to be a teenager" face

I love this picture!!

and this one as well

Wes with Doda and Pappaw

Wes with Grandma

my big boy getting on the bus

Wes will dance you out of here.